Myth 1: Anger is behaviour

I know you are likely getting tired of reading this over and over again, but a wise man said, “Repetition is the mother of skill”.  So hear this again: Anger is NOT behaviour!  Anger is experienced as a negative emotion, one of the basic four emotions that we as humans experience: happy, sad, mad, and afraid.  We do not do happy, or sad or afraid.  Why then should we expect to do anger?  We do not use the term, “I’m getting happy!” on a regular basis, but it is not unusual for one to say, “I’m getting mad at you!”

iceberg with behaviour on top, emotions on bottom

The Roots of This Myth:
Tradition says that anger is what we see, and it is a mask for more “primary” emotions that lie beneath the surface. This is not true! Anger is, in fact, a basic emotion that emerges as early as the first year of life. The reality is that anger is NOT what we see. We see scowling, grimacing, we hear yelling or swearing, we hear verbal abuse, we see doors slamming, erratic driving, or aggressive, intimidating actions. What we SEE is behavior.

Exposing the Lies:
I have found the myth that anger is behavior to be the most widely believed in our society.  It is what I call a “foundational” belief, because almost every other myth that exists about anger rests upon this first one.  It is imperative that we go right to the heart of the matter and change this foundational belief.  Once this myth is dispelled, the other myths will melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Would you like to know more about anger and how to resolve it safely and appropriately? My book, Anger Solutions: Proven Strategies for Effectively Resolving Anger and Taking Control of Your Emotions remains available for a limited time! Grab your copy before they’re all gone.